i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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