a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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