Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
