She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize