so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
