dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
