you traded sex for a burrito?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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