great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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