did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize