After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
