BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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