some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Can you bring me the toilet please
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
