This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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