I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
