You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
My penis needs a shock collar
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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