So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
