I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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