I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Randomize
