to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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