It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
try to milk me bitch
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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