then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
