your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
