Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
