she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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