i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
All the doctor said was why
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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