Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
