My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
