Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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