pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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