She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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