I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
