wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
