I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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