i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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