Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I have so many feelings about this burrito
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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