You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
