I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
