I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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