the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Randomize
