I'm going to jail i love you
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
