After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
