I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Randomize
