in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
