Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
