I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
being pregnant is like rehab
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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