I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
