I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
