Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize