I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
