So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
