no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
What a dumb baby whore.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
