How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
