I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
