You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I woke up under a house in Key West
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
