Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
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