The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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