I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
